my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
