I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
