we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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