note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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