Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
