Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
