a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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