sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize