My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
