Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
