I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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