..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
