how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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