you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
