Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
