I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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