I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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