I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
