I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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