Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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