I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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