Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
