Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
