Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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