Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He did a backflip because drugs
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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