Already got asked if we're dating
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
