ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she peed on how many people?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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