There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
