You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
