beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
