your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
