I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
