Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
