you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
