You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
