one two three fourrrrnication!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
