Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
