There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
