you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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