Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
