i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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