can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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