And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
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Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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