Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
