OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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