Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
