He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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