I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
