Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do vagina's smell?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
