You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
