Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
