I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
