We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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