It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize