just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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