I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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