just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
