I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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