You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
