Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
