say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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