He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
