The maid of honor just puked.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Randomize
