i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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