btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
