i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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