I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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