Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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