what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
