All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
