Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He shit in the fireplace
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
