just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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