Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
