broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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