why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm at about main and main street
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
