I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
