Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
