Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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