booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He passed out mid-signature
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
