Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
