I haven't been this sober since birth.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
