we're blogging at a bar
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
