I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
