found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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