i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
