No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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